So the week is only half over and it has already been a long week. I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster since Monday morning. So I like to put positive things on my blog, especially since Marcus is away and this is one of his links to his family; but it is also my blog and my journal. I don't have a lot of time to document my life, so this is how I do it. I need to vent, so if you are not in the mood to hear it...READ NO FURTHER!
I woke up Monday morning to an email from my boss wanting me at work at 7:30, mind you I read this email at 6:10. No way was 7:30 happening...not with two kids and a 30 min drive to work. I did get there at 8:00, but without a shower (yuk for me). I had to wear cammies that day, but I left my rank at home so I had to buy new rank. Then the worst part was my consisted of driving around a Marine who we were getting ready to send to the brig. He flew home from Iraq on Saturday after being convicted for child pornography...it makes me sick to my stomach every time I think about it. So here I am spending 12 hours with this kid while my sweet kids are at the babysitters for 12 hours; not my idea of a good day. By the time I got home I was an emotional wreck, so were my kids and so was my house. The only good in the whole day was when my sister called me to tell me how great of a job I was doing raising two kids by myself while their dad is deployed. Thanks Lis...I don't know if great is the word, but we are all surviving.
I guess I have just been feeling very overwhelmed lately. My children are wonderful, they seem happy and content. We are handling the day to day pretty well. We all eat three meals per day, everyone gets a bath almost everyday, the dishes get done every day and we all have clean clothes to wear; but other that that I am slippin!!!! I have projects that have been sitting for months, I have a counter in my kitchen that is one giant pile, I have guest room that my son said "you mean the junk room" and I haven't dusted in about 4 months. Is it me? Maybe I just don't know how to manage my time. Maybe I should be spending less time blogging and more time cleaning. I don't know, there is just not enough time in the day. I really don't know what I would do if I was doing my really job where I had to be at work for 10 hours a day. There are areas in my life that are really being neglected. The first being ME, the second is my relationship with my Father in Heaven. How silly is that, I am at a point in my life where I need to desperately to pray for strength and guidance, but I can't seem to find the time to pray. I pray with my kids and read the scriptures with my kids, but I can't remember the last time I said my own personal prayer or did my own personal scripture study. This is bad, real bad. I don't know how to get out from under all of this. I need more time in the day or another set of hands. Too bad I am not getting either one of those any time soon.
Tomorrow is a new day and with new days come new attitudes and new goals. I am setting a new goal tonight. Tonight I am going to pray to my Heavenly Father on my knees in the solitude of my bedroom, and tomorrow I am going to to the same, I am also going to study my scriptures...even if it is only one verse. Tomorrow is going to be a good day. I just want to thank all my friends and family who are out there praying for me and my husband. I know someone is praying for us because the Lord is sending blessings our way left and right, I guess I just need to spend more time recognizing them. Please keep praying for us, we love you all and I miss you all so much. I know it is silly but I am now the only member of my family in a different time zone and I feel really alone. TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY!
2 weeks ago
3 comments:
I love you Becky and there are definitely weeks that have gone by and I sit back and think - wow, when was the last time I really said a sincere prayer? they always seem to get interrupted, and today was the first time in a while I have sat down to read my scriptures, I'm not quite studying them yet, I figure just reading is a good start. Know you are not alone, and you are doing a FANTASTIC job!
I know what you mean about feeling alone, I've never been closer to family in all my post high school life, but I feel really alone right now.
I miss you - if we weren't so broke, you'd better believe I'd be on an airplane to come visit you.
Love you, keep you chin up and try and take just a few minutes of you time, if that means putting the kiddos to bed earlier, try it.
becky.
you are doing a great job with those boys. they are strong happy and healthy. dont worry about the small stuff, us military wives all know what you are going threw and the house looks great. if it makes you feel anybetter i have not dusted my house in a bout 6 months and my husbands home..LOL... when and if you ever need help i am more than happy to come and help you out around the house. it is always easer and more fun cleaning someone elses house than your own. i am more than willing to come and help you out.
pray will come to you, always know that Heavenly Father knows what you are going threw and he would not be testing you if he didnt know you could make it threw it...someond once told me that its not how you pray it THAT you pray..even if its as you head is hitting the pillow, just a small thank you and a pray for some guidence and some sanity..he is always there for you and so am i if you ever need me just let me know.
you are a great and wonderfull lady and i love that i have gotten to know you. you will always have special place in my heart.
You are amazing Becky-and an example to me. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and then I read some blogs, like yours, and I realize that I have no reason to complain!! You are such a good mom and that's all that really matters, the house and the dishes can wait. I know we don't get to see you often and don't talk a whole lot, but I feel very blessed to have you as a sister in my life. I love you and look up to you so much. I also know that I could call you if I needed to talk and you would listen, I hope you know that you can do the same with me. Hang in there and know that we pray for you, your boys and you husband every day- Love you
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