It's the small and simple things that can touch the spirit

This little boy...I love this kid so much and he brings me so much joy, but he also makes me question my skills as a parent often. Age five has been a tough year for us both. I have had to do a lot of soul searching and prayerful discussions with my Heavenly Father to help me get through some days. For some time now he has been dying for attention from anyone who would give it to him. He will talk you to death and tell you a great tale. He acts out through silly behavior in hopes to gain a smile or laugh. Lately, Garrett in small doses is very charming, but in large doses can be extremely demanding and exhausting.

Ever since Marcus left he has been wearing me thin with the constant arguing, the need to always be right, the pushing of limits and the disregard for responsibility of any kind. I have been praying for the Lord to guide me through this parenting journey and to know what this boy needs to help him settle into himself and feel grateful to be part of this family. He has always been a very independent little boy with his own ideas and never needed or wanted much in terms of physical love and affection. He was an easy baby and even an easy toddler. He never pushed boundaries too much, never was mischievous, and made me feel very at ease as a mother. But then one day he just changed, I guess it was more over time, but non the less he became more challenging and I felt like I was in over my head most days.

One of my areas of focus for the year is to be a more Christlike parent. Less yelling, more gentle discipline, more teaching moments, less blaming, ect. I have been reading the book Christlike Parenting (I recommend it  to anyone who feels like they need more love in their parenting regime). Nothing specific int he book has stuck out to me, but it has made me more aware of my behavior overall. A couple weeks ago, I had picked up Eli for an impromptu snuggle full of tickles, hugs and kisses. My Eli needs a lot of physical touch and affection, he always has. Garrett immediately came over to act silly and make a scene trying to make a game out of him getting some. Normally this kind of behavior really annoys me, because he is never serious about it and always makes something enjoyable not fun anymore with his silly antics. But instead of getting annoyed I stopped and I asked him to calm down, I then asked him if he wanted to sit with me and get some snuggles without being silly. He said he did, I was shocked! He climbed on my lap and we snuggled, we hugged, and we kissed and I told him how much I loved him and how proud I was of the little boy he was becoming. I then asked him if he wanted to do this more often. He said yes!

I have to say, that moment changed my son and has changed me as a parent. I have always known that my boy responded better to positive reinforcement rather than negative, but I have been unsure how to create more positive experiences for us as mother and son. In that moment with him on my lap I realized he needed more love and attention from me. He was seeking after it in any way he could without getting desired results. It was an endless circle of frustration on both parts. My boy needs me to hug him and kiss him and tell him I love him several times per day and the more I do it the better he behaves and the more I feel my love for him grow. We have changed our dialogue, we are now using words like responsible, helpful, kind, and patient. There are a lot more pleases and thank yous going on now and a  lot less arguing and yelling. I feel so sad to think that I was not giving my son the affection he needed. I am not even sure he knew he needed it, but once he got it, he was a different boy.

I know there will be days of struggle and acting out ahead of us, but I hope I can remember that maybe he just needs a hug, a kiss, and an I LOVE you rather than time to himself in his room to change the course.